Birth Control... and some other topics...

Well, Kiddos... It’s been a long time since I have opened up my blog, and so much has happened since. I’m not sure that I’m ready to talk about everything yet, but I will in due time. For today’s topic, I want to skip ahead a little and talk about something that most don’t want to share with their kids: birth control.

When I met your dad, he was everything that I had prayed for since I was just a tween. I asked God to give me undeniable signs when I find a good enough man to marry, because I had a broken idea of what relationships looked like and knew myself well enough to know I needed help from God. I prayed only in my head—that way the devil could never know my heart's desires like God did. Here’s what I prayed for:

1. That I be friends with my husband first. No awkward emotional-driven dating phase, just real connection. We knew each other for about a year; we were both in happy relationships when we met, until both relationships came to an end for different, unrelated reasons during similar times.

2. That I have no romantic feelings for my husband until it was time for a romantic relationship. I’ll never forget Christmas Eve 2023, brushing my teeth before church and realizing that I liked your dad. For two minutes I wrestled in my head if I should tell him or not, because I think people deserve to know how we feel about one another, but on the other hand, I didn't want to disrespect the relationship he was in. The next day, I got a text that he ended his relationship early that morning. Three days later I was flying to Ireland for two weeks and while I was away, I realized all I could think about was going home to see Dwight.

3. That I wouldn't be seeking relationships and be content without ever getting married. This milestone took a long time to overcome. I loved dating in college, because I felt very strongly that I would meet my husband while in college—and spoiler, I did! Just not physically at the college, but rather in my college town. I took the time to "date wildly" to find what I was seeking in a man, because I believed, and still believe, that dating in high school is a waste of time. You don't gain anything other than broken friendships and emotional hurt, because no one is ready to get married at that time frame in life. I learned so much by dating in college and also withholding sex until marriage (mostly, and we will get to that soon), because men will show their true colors if you withhold what they want for a long time. Anyway, different topic... my junior year, I finally came to terms that getting married isn't everything. I knew I could still adopt kids if I’m single and fulfill whatever calling God has on my life. So I started dating my last boyfriend simply to pass the time and have a short-term companion.

4. That I have a supernatural feeling from God. A few weeks, or maybe more, prior to my breakup, I felt God tell me that if I just trust Him and break up with the guy I was with—who I knew wasn't the greatest, but I was dating simply to waste time because I gave up pursuing marriage—that I would "find" my husband. I held onto that, but I wasn't ready to be completely alone during the time of graduation and moving to a new state. Finally, after having evidence for months that my boyfriend was cheating, he finally admitted to it and that he was going to pursue that other relationship instead.

Because I had finally found the man I had prayed for, my boundaries shifted. When I realized that I was going to marry your dad, I gave the okay to have sex before we were engaged. I regret it slightly, because abstaining from sex gives you SO MUCH CLARITY. It’s crazy, but true. I knew logically that your dad and I would be great for one another because we were opposites, which will give you guys a more well-rounded upbringing and challenge me and my perspective. Any good relationship will bring out all the wounds that you have tried to hide. A good partner will be like a mirror to help you see things in yourself—the good and the bad—and they will help you fix, heal, or deal with everything, no matter what.

ANYWAY, I’m rambling again... Birth Control.

Sigh. Your dad and I have lots of "what if" conversations when it comes to you. "What if they come to us and tell us that they are pregnant or got someone pregnant?" I truly don't know at this point what I would do. I pray that you don't make decisions off of hormones or "love" emotions like that, but you are your own person; I have no control over it. I want to educate you the best I can, though.

Whether boy or girl, both of you should be fluent in how the female body works. You can only get pregnant five-ish days out of the month. After your 3–7 day period (Menstrual Phase), where you shed your uterus lining, you will soon enter the Follicular Phase where the egg is maturing for maybe five-ish days. Then the Ovulatory Phase, where you have a small window for the mature egg to drop and semen can fertilize. Then the Luteal Phase prior to your period and everything resets. It’s called Cycle Tracking or Natural Family Planning.

I say this because hormonal birth control, no matter what you use—and I tell you this so you know, not to scare you—will mess you up long-term and short-term. The Depo BC shot leads to an increased chance of brain tumors. I'm not up to date on all of them, but there are increases in breast cancer, cervical cancer, and I'm sure others by the time you're reading this. The only hormonal BC I think is okay is the patch, but you're still removing hormones that you need in your body.

So when your dad and I were first starting out, I got a ParaGard Copper IUD. I thought it would be the best with a high success rate and no hormones. Great, right? No. There is so much that isn't talked about by doctors when you go to do something like that. They never want to scare you out of giving them your money and business. Even after removal, the copper IUD has continued to cause problems and pains that I never had before. I learned after the fact that copper IUDs can lead to PCOS, ovarian cysts, excessive bleeding, terrible cramps, and much more than you're told about at the doctor's office.

I just want to be able to give all you kids as much information as possible. If you're like your mom or dad, neither of us went to our parents when we wanted to know about sexual things or things that parents are afraid to tell their kids. I love you too much to let you repeat the same mistakes that I did, but I also don't always know how to go about things, since everyone is different when it comes to learning and understanding. I just pray that God is with you in all things, that you use your critical thinking skills, and know that there is a time and place for emotions, but never act on emotions alone because you may have regrettable consequences.

I love you,

Mom